The ’17 signs of Parental Alienation’ are behavioural red flags that suggest a child may be unfairly influenced to reject or fear one parent based on the actions, non-actions, verbal and other cues from the other parent. They highlight patterns such as sudden hostility, extreme loyalty to one parent and repeating negative statements without a clear reason. These signs are commonly referenced in family therapy and parenting literature on parental alienation.
Disclaimer:
Parental alienation syndrome is still debated in psychological communities and is not officially recognised by all mental health professionals. There is no reference to parental alienation in the Australian Family Law Act either, which can make addressing parental alienation in court difficult.
While the checklist is widely recognised, it’s important to note that parental alienation remains a complex and debated topic within the fields of psychology and family law. The checklist serves as a tool for identifying potential signs of parental alienation, but should be used in conjunction with professional evaluation and support.
Seeking legal advice from a family lawyer regarding your options is imperative if you are considering legal proceedings. Contact our team if you are experiencing alienating behaviours in your current parenting situation.
Background of parental alienation
The concept of parental alienation was first introduced by psychiatrist Dr Richard Gardner in the 1980s as Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), describing situations where one parent manipulates a child to reject the other without justification.
Researchers and clinicians, including researcher and author Dr Amy Baker, Douglas Darnell and Dr Bob Evans, have since identified strategies and signs to recognise and address behaviours that create a false narrative and manipulate children’s perceptions and emotions, leading to the rejection of the targeted parent.
Understanding the 17 signs of parental alienation
Parental alienation is still a debated topic in family law and psychology. While some question whether it exists as a formal syndrome, there is broad recognition in research and legal contexts that certain parental behaviours can be profoundly damaging. Explored initially by Dr Richard Gardner in the 1980s, the theory highlighted patterns where one parent consciously or unconsciously manipulates a child to reject the other parent.
Whether or not the term “parental alienation” is universally accepted, the behaviours it describes – denigration of the other parent, restricting contact or turning a child against the other parent are real and harmful experiences in family law matters.
In Australia, parental alienation is not recognised in family law legislation, but the associated behaviours intersect with key legal principles.
The Family Law Act 1975:
- Prioritises the best interests of the child, including maintaining meaningful relationships with both parents where safe
- Addresses psychological harm and domestic violence
- Explicitly discourages parental denigration
Courts and psychologists may differ on terminology, but there is explicit legal and clinical acknowledgement that such behaviours can disrupt a child’s wellbeing, impact a targeted parent’s relationship with the child and cause ongoing distress and grief for both the parent and the child/ren.
In short, whether it’s called parental alienation or something else, it represents a pattern of actions that can have serious, lasting consequences and one that the legal system and mental health professionals are increasingly prepared to recognise and address.
Distinguishing parental alienation from abuse
Parental alienation occurs when a child’s rejection or hostility toward one parent is driven by manipulation, negative messaging, or loyalty conflicts, rather than actual harm.
In contrast, a child’s avoidance or fear due to abuse, neglect or genuine danger reflects a real and justified response.
Key differences include:
- Evidence of harm: In abuse, behaviours correspond to actual risk; in alienation, they are influenced by the alienating parent.
- Consistency: Alienated children may repeat scripted negative statements or display one-sided hostility, whereas children responding to abuse show context-specific fear.
- Attachment patterns: In alienation, loyalty to the alienating parent remains strong; in abuse, the child’s distrust may extend to both parents or adults associated with the abusive parent.
Recognising this distinction is essential for appropriate legal and therapeutic responses.
Development of parental alienation concepts
Many professionals have expanded on Dr Richard Gardner’s original Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) framework from the 1980s. While Gardner (1985) identified eight primary symptoms of Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), the 17 signs commonly referenced today reflect broader clinical observations by researchers such as Baker (2006–2008), Darnall (2001), Warshak, Bernet and Evans (2013). These contributions identify alienating behaviours and inform family law and therapeutic interventions.
Timeline:
- 1985 – Gardner introduces eight PAS symptoms
- 2001 – Darnall publishes Divorce Casualties
- 2006–2008 – Baker researches and co-authors 17 alienating behaviours
- 2008 – Baker & Fine outline behavioural strategies of alienating parents
- 2013 – Evans adapts Baker’s 17 signs for legal and clinical use
(1985) Gardner’s 8 symptoms of Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) in children
Dr. Gardner described the following eight primary manifestations and symptoms of alienating behaviors clusters in children affected by PAS, elaborated on by later researchers like Warshak, Baker, and Bernet.
PAS is still a controversial topic in some areas, but it formed the basis of the 17 signs:
- A campaign of denigration against the targeted parent
- Weakly based, frivolous or absurd rationalisations for the depreciation of the targeted parent, informed by the alienating parent’s views
- There is a lack of usual ambivalence, where the child sees one parent as all ‘good’ and the other as all ‘bad’
- The “independent-thinker” phenomenon is when a child claims they’re rejecting the parent on their own, rather than based on what an alienating parent tells them
- Reflexive support for the alienating parent in the parental conflict, regardless of facts, without a justifiable reason
- Absence of guilt over the cruel treatment of the alienated parent
- Borrowed scenarios, where the child uses phrases or accusations clearly taken from the alienating parent
- Spread of animosity and negative feelings to the extended family, friends or pets of the targeted parent
Gardner, R. A. (1985). Recent trends in divorce and custody litigation. American Journal of Family Therapy, 13(2), 115–123.
(1998) Darnell’s five categories of parental alienation
In 1998, Douglas Darnell, a US Clinical Psychologist specialising in high-conflict parenting after divorce, wrote the book Divorce Casualties: Protecting Your Children From Parental Alienation. In it, he outlined five categories of alienating behaviours that focused on concrete actions by the alienating parent. In 2006, Darnall and Amy Baker outlined eight manifestations of parental alienation, including badmouthing, limiting contact, and forcing the child to choose sides. These works help parents, clinicians, and courts recognise and address alienation.
The five categories are:
- Badmouthing and speaking negatively about the other parent, criticising or demeaning them in front of the child.
- Limiting contact, restricting or interfering with the child’s time or communication with the other parent.
- Forcing the child to choose and creating situations where the child feels pressured to take sides.
- Confiding in the child and treating the child as a friend or confidant by sharing inappropriate details about court cases, finances or adult issues.
- Interfering with communication, blocking calls, withholding letters or messages, or otherwise preventing the child from maintaining direct contact with the other parent.
Darnall, D. (2001). Divorce casualties: Protecting your children from parental alienation. Health Communications, Inc.
(2001) Darnall’s catalogue of alienating behaviours, sometimes called the “Parental Alienation Continuum”
Darnall’s expanded behavioural list of alienating strategies includes:
- Badmouthing or denigrating the targeted parent
- Limiting contact or restricting time with the child
- Interfering with communication between the child and the targeted parent
- Interfering with symbolic communication, such as gifts, photos, or mementos
- Withdrawal of love or affection from the child
- Telling the child that the targeted parent is dangerous
- Forcing the child to choose between parents
- Telling the child the targeted parent does not love them
- Confiding in the child about adult matters
- Forcing the child to reject the targeted parent
- Asking the child to spy on the targeted parent
- Asking the child to keep secrets from the targeted parent
- Referring to the targeted parent by their first name
- Encouraging the child to call a step-parent “mum” or “dad”
- Withholding medical, school, or other vital information from the targeted parent
- Changing the child’s name to reduce association with the targeted parent
- Cultivating dependency or undermining the authority of the targeted parent
(2007) The five main parental alienation strategies
Amy J. L. Baker, Ph.D, a leading US researcher and psychologist in the area of parental alienation, published her research of adults who had been alienated as children in the mid-2000s and a 2007 book, ‘Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties That Bind‘, that are more psychological and relational in nature:
- Poisonous messages portraying the targeted parent as unloving, unsafe or unavailable
- Limiting contact and communication with the targeted parent
- Erasing and replacing the targeted parent in the child’s heart and mind
- Encouraging betrayal of the targeted parent’s trust
- Undermining the authority of the targeted parent
(2008) The 17 signs of parental alienation – grouped by the five main strategies
In 2008, Baker co-authored Beyond the High Road: Responding to 17 Parental Alienation Strategies without Compromising Your Morals or Harming Your Child with social worker Paul Fine. This later book focused on practical responses to parental alienation and presented the 17 alienating behaviours in five categories.
1. Poisoning the child’s mind (badmouthing and false beliefs)
Impact: Undermine the child’s perception of the targeted parent.
- Badmouthing the other parent
- Limiting/restricting information from the targeted parent
- Telling a child the other parent doesn’t love them
- Making the child feel unsafe with the other parent
- Blaming the other parent for the divorce or problems
2. Limiting the child’s contact and communication
Impact: Minimise opportunities to maintain a healthy bond with the targeted parent.
- Interfering with communication (calls, texts, contact)
- Limiting physical time/contact
- Interrupting or undermining parenting time
3. Erasing the targeted parent from the child’s life
Impact: Remove all reminders and roles of the targeted parent.
- Erasing the parent from the child’s mind (photos, gifts, memories)
- Encouraging the child to call someone else ‘Mum’ or ‘Dad’
- Not mentioning the targeted parent in the child’s life events
4. Forcing the child to choose or reject
Impact: Pressure the child into rejecting the targeted parent.
- Forcing a child to choose between parents
- Creating the illusion of danger or disapproval if the child loves the targeted parent
- Making a child feel guilty for wanting a relationship with the other parent
5. Undermining the targeted parent’s authority and relationship
Impact: Weaken the parenting role and respect for the targeted parent.
- Undermining the authority or parenting style of the targeted parent
- Refusing to support the rules or discipline set by the other parent
- Encouraging the child to spy, lie to, or betray the other parent
(2013) Bob Evan’s 17 signs of parental alienation
Dr Bob Evans published his version of the 17 parental alienation strategies in 2013, essentially adapting Baker and Fine’s 2008 framework for clinical and legal use. His list closely mirrors theirs but is repackaged to guide interventions in family law, therapy and custody contexts.
- Badmouthing or denigrating the targeted parent
- Limiting contact with the targeted parent
- Creating a false narrative about the targeted parent
- Encouraging the child to reject the targeted parent
- Undermining the authority of the targeted parent
- Engaging in behaviours that alienate the child
- Withholding affection or support from a child
- Manipulating a child’s emotions
- Creating situations that foster dependency on the alienating parent
- Engaging in behaviours that cause confusion for the child
- Engaging in behaviours that cause anxiety for the child
- Engaging in behaviours that cause guilt for the child
- Engaging in behaviours that cause fear for the child
- Engaging in behaviours that cause shame for the child
- Engaging in behaviours that cause sadness for the child
- Engaging in behaviours that cause anger in a child
- Engaging in behaviours that confuse the child
Evans, B. (2013). Parental alienation resources.
Understanding the term ‘protective parent’ in parental alienation dynamics
A protective parent is a parent who, despite the other parent’s alienating behaviour, negative portrayals or false accusations, avoids speaking negatively about the other parent to the child and continues to encourage a relationship with both parents. Richard Gardner, in his work on Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), described this as a parent acting responsibly to shield the child from loyalty conflicts and undue influence.
While this approach is very healthy in principle, it can sometimes further the alienation dynamic. The child may perceive the protective parent’s neutrality or refusal to badmouth the alienating parent as agreement with the negative messages, reinforcing the skewed, one-sided view the child has been taught. Over time, this can make the child’s rejection of the targeted parent more entrenched, even though the protective parent is trying to act in the child’s best interests.
This highlights the delicate balance for parents in high-conflict situations, where supporting the child’s relationship with both parents must be carefully managed to avoid unintended reinforcement of alienating behaviours.
Manipulation and control tactics
Alienating parents often use psychological manipulation and guilt to control a child’s behaviour and emotional wellbeing. They may spread negative opinions or make exaggerated claims about the targeted parent, instilling fear and confusion. Children can be enlisted as messengers or spies, and alienating behaviours often include withholding medical, academic or other important information.
These tactics negatively impact the child’s wellbeing, reduce their ability to maintain positive memories, and undermine the targeted parent’s role, and may even form a pattern of coercive control in some instances.
Looking at 17 parental alienation signs from the viewpoints of each parent and the child (or children) involved
As of 2025, the ’17 Signs’ have become a widely recognised reference point for understanding parental alienation. This article will focus on Darnell’s 17 Signs of Parental Alienation, examining them from three perspectives and exploring legal remedies and support options.
17 signs of parental alienation that a child may experience
Recognising the signs of parental alienation early is crucial for parents to take action and prevent further harm. Parents should be aware of changes in the child’s behaviour, such as sudden rejection or negative feelings towards one parent. They should also be aware of the alienating parent’s behaviours, such as badmouthing or withholding love.
1. Speaking badly to, and about, the alienated parent (badmouthing) or having very one-sided, negative views of a parent
A child being alienated may speak negatively, unkindly or badly to or about the targeted parent and their family, often using language or ideas they would not normally know. These views are typically adopted from the alienating parent, and may ‘please’ or win the ‘approval’ of the alienating parent. The child may verbalise or display strong, one-sided opinions with no balance, reflecting black-and-white thinking.
2. Refusing to see a parent, avoiding calls or texts, or not communicating in ways they previously did (limited contact)
A child may refuse to see the targeted parent, avoid calls or messages, or suddenly stop communicating as they previously did. This limited contact often reflects pressure or influence from the alienating parent rather than the child’s genuine feelings.
3. Children may be discouraged from communicating with the targeted parent, may be listened to, have their phones monitored, or the other parent may interfere during calls
Communication with the targeted parent may be blocked or discouraged. Calls, messages, or mail might be delayed, cut short, or ignored. The child may seem vague, disinterested, or hurry conversations, reflecting interference from the alienating parent rather than their true feelings. Children may also be guilted, pressured or monitored when they are with the targeted parent, damaging parent-child bonds. A child may withdraw to avoid emotional pain.
4. May reject symbolic gifts, previous shared traditions, communication, and remove anything in their own environment that represents the targeted parent
A child may reject gifts, clothing, photos or other reminders of the targeted parent. They may see the alienating parent remove or destroy items of the targeted parent or omit the parent from stories. These behaviours are often learned from the alienating parent and block emotional or sentimental connections, weakening the child’s sense of bond and belonging.
5. Not showing love or affection to the parent, either when with the targeted parent or when in front of the alienating parent
A child may be hesitant to show any warmth, affection or care to the targeted parent, or the targeted parent’s relatives, either when they are together, or when they are in the presence of the alienating parent. This may be because they have been told they are not loved, or because they fear the alienating parent’s reaction or rejection.
6. Feeling unsafe or anxious around the targeted parent despite an otherwise healthy relationship
A child may feel unsafe or anxious around the targeted parent despite a previously healthy relationship. This often results from repeated manipulation, false narratives, fear or negative messages from the alienating parent. This is different from a child who has been through abuse’s natural reaction to an abusive parent.
7. Feeling they can only ‘choose’ one parent
A child may feel they can only “choose” one parent, even if they internally feel differently. This usually occurs after a previously healthy relationship has been undermined by the alienating parent. Repeated messages and psychological pressure can make the child truly believe they must side with the favoured parent.
8. Feeling unloved or telling the targeted parent they don’t love them
Alienated children may express that they don’t love the targeted parent, or don’t feel loved by them, often due to anxiety or messages from the alienating parent. This occurs without any history of abuse, reflecting the negative views the child has been taught to adopt.
9. The child will be aware of information that is not suitable for children
An alienating parent may share details about the targeted parent that are unsuitable or harmful for a child. This can include personal matters, financial issues, court outcomes or other information the child is not equipped to process.
10. A child may feel it’s ‘necessary’ to reject one parent to keep the other happy
A child may believe they must reject the targeted parent to keep the alienating parent happy. This can include refusing to acknowledge them or repeating negative statements they could not have known without influence, even about events they did not experience,
11. Being asked to spy, get information, or even record the other parent
A child may be encouraged to monitor or report on the other parent, creating stress, guilt, shame and loyalty conflicts. This not only places a child inappropriately in adult disputes but also makes them feel that they have potentially wronged the targeted parent, further damaging bonds.
12. Having to keep secrets from the targeted parent
Children may have to hide information or activities from the targeted parent and be told that it’s not okay to share certain things with them. This can cause guilt, shame, confusion and anxiety, and undermine trust in both parents.
13. Calling the other parent by first name, or other names
A child may be instructed to avoid using ‘Mum’ or “Dad” for the targeted parent, which can weaken emotional connection and create distance in the parent-child relationship. They may also refer to the other parent by generic names or unpleasant names when with the alienating parent, or even to their face.
14. Calling the alienating parents’ partner or step-parent ‘Mum’ or ‘Dad’
A child may be encouraged to treat a step-parent as their primary parent, even when they spend time with both parents. This can confuse loyalties and reduce the bond with the targeted parent, causing ongoing hurt and confusion in a child regarding their parental bonds.
15. Not sharing important information, or being upset when the targeted parent doesn’t have access to necessary information
Children may be prevented from passing on school, medical or other essential updates, isolating the targeted parent from their child’s life and decision-making. They may also see parents miss events or other important occasions as the alienating parent has withheld information, and blame the targeted parent.
16. Changing or omitting their name
A child may be encouraged to drop or alter names associated with the targeted parent, symbolically erasing the parent from their identity and family memory. This may also tie into ‘independent thinking’.
17. Becoming dependent on the alienating parent or undermining the targeted parent
Children may be guided to rely heavily on the alienating parent, and this may be encouraged by emotional manipulation, financial incentives or fear or reaction. A child may doubt, disrespect or disobey the targeted parent based on examples role modelled, weakening the parent-child bond and independence.
17 signs of parental alienation & common behaviours of an alienating parent
Parental alienation is a damaging pattern where one parent manipulates a child to reject the other parent. These behaviours and tactics can leave the targeted parent isolated, undermine the parent-child bond and cause lasting emotional harm.
1. Badmouthing and denigrating the targeted parent to the child and others
This may manifest as repeatedly pointing out the other parent’s flaws or mistakes, framing them as serious issues or saying it’s unsafe to spend time with them. Small criticisms can be exaggerated, or positive qualities may be ignored or reframed into negatives. This may also extend to the targeted parent’s friends, partner and family.
2. Limiting contact, making contact difficult or not encouraging scheduled contact
This may include missing scheduled calls, discouraging communication in shared care, or pressuring children to “choose one home.” It can involve creating scheduling conflicts with events on the other parent’s time or claiming the other parent blocked activities with the alienating parent. Even informal comments like “maybe next weekend” can subtly reduce meaningful interaction, creating emotional distance and increasing reliance on one parent for approval and companionship. It also includes not encouraging contact.
The Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia notes that – ‘You must do everything a parenting order says. In doing so, you cannot be merely passive but must take positive action, and this positive obligation includes taking all reasonable steps to ensure that the order is put into effect. You must also positively encourage your children to comply with the orders.’
3. Interfering with communication
This could be controlling or monitoring calls, messages or emails between the child and the other parent. For example, messages may be delayed or not passed on at all. These acts interfere with ongoing relationships, making the child feel disconnected from the other parent, even without overt negative commentary. It may also be being very present when the other parent tries to make contact and making the children feel conflicted about speaking to them.
4. Interfering with symbolic communication
Preventing gestures that show affection for the other parent, such as drawing pictures, writing notes or giving gifts, are some forms of interfering with symbolic communication. Comments like ‘You don’t need anything that Dad has given you here’ subtly undermine emotional connection, teaching children that loyalty to one parent comes first, or that their bond with the other parent is not important. It can also be encouraging children not to wear anything given to them by the other parent, removing photos of them (or their family) from their home, or, in severe cases, the alienating parent may destroy or remove items given to them by the other parent.
5. Withdrawal of love
Showing disappointment or distance when a child engages positively with the other parent can be very detrimental to a child. A comment such as ‘I’m sad you spent so much time with them’ or shutting down the expression of a fun day they shared with the targeted parent signals disapproval. Subtle withdrawal fosters guilt in the child, suggesting their affection for the other parent may threaten one parent’s love. Repeated phrases like ‘They don’t care about you like I do’ distort the child’s perception of the other parent.
Showing negative body language or cold communication towards the other parent or guilting children into feeling a certain way, telling them how sad they are when they are with the other parent, how stressed or worried they get (with no basis) or how much they miss them (beyond a normal level), or making a child feel guilty when they consider spending time with the other parent, can create negative associations and may even get to the point that a child is reluctant to visit to avoid these feelings.
6. Telling the child the other parent is dangerous
The alienating parent may exaggerate risks, e.g., “They might forget you are there or get mad.” Even partly factual statements framed to instil fear can make the child question safety and trust, weakening their bond with the other parent and creating anxiety during visits or interactions.
7. Forcing a child to choose
Children may feel pressured to side with one parent. Questions like “Who do you want to spend the holidays with?” or subtle cues imply disapproval if they choose the other parent, forcing loyalty where none should be required and often leaving the child anxious or confused.
8. Saying the other parent does not love them
This can involve telling a child the other parent doesn’t care, e.g., “They probably don’t even want to see you.” It undermines the child’s sense of security and positions the alienating parent as their only dependable source of love, which can affect the child’s emotional development and self-worth.
9. Confiding in the child
Sharing adult concerns about finances, legal issues, or frustrations with the other parent places the child in a caregiving or confidant role. Even casual disclosures create loyalty conflicts, inappropriate involvement in adult matters, and a sense of responsibility for problems they cannot control.
10. Forcing rejection of the other parent
Children may be encouraged to avoid contact or dismiss the other parent, e.g., “You don’t need to call them if you don’t want to.” Repeated pressure normalises rejection and suggests love or approval depends on siding with one parent, potentially damaging the child’s long-term relationship with the other parent. Children may arrive at the target parent’s home stressed and withdrawn – or even refuse to visit.
11. Asking the child to spy
Children may be asked to report on the other parent’s behaviour, often disguised as casual interest, e.g., “Did they do what they said?” This secrecy divides loyalty, creates a conflicted role for the child, and undermines trust on both sides, leaving lasting confusion and stress.
12. Asking the child to keep secrets
This may look like instructing the child not to share details, ‘Don’t tell them we did this’, or ‘Your mum doesn’t need to know about this’. Small instructions teach concealment, creating stress, guilt and complicity, further distancing the child from the other parent’s knowledge and involvement.
This can also set up more serious issues as a child fearing to speak openly to both parents when needed, feeling disconnected from their parents because they ‘lied’, or worse, shutting down communication avenues in cases of abuse or harm.
13. Using the other parent’s first name, or worse
This may manifest as avoiding parental titles, “You can call Alex and ask what they think” instead of “Dad.” This subtly removes authority and intimacy, shifting perceptions of parental roles. Over time, the child may internalise distance and informalisation, weakening the parent-child connection. It may also be referring to the child’s other parent by derogatory terms or ‘nicknames’.
14. Referring to a new partner as “mum” or “dad”
Encouraging the child to use parental titles for a new partner or step-parent, e.g., “Call Andrew Dad from now on,” can replace recognition of the natural parent. It fosters dependency and emotional realignment toward the alienating parent or step-parent and can cause confusion about family roles. It can also be used as a tool to hurt the other parent when a child innocently relays that information.
15. Withholding important information
This may manifest as delaying or omitting school, medical, or extracurricular updates, pretending they forgot, or saying they meant to ‘tell them later’. Even minor omissions reduce the other parent’s ability to participate meaningfully, removing access to knowledge and influence in the child’s life.
In serious cases, it may involve removing a parent’s access to information, purposely passing on only what suits them, distorting information shared, or telling a child the other parent missed something or didn’t care when they were never informed.
16. Changing the child’s name
Altering a surname, nickname, or other identifiers reduces the child’s connection to the targeted parent. Even minor changes, like shortening a last name, can weaken shared history, reinforce loyalty to the alienating parent, and subtly reshape the child’s sense of identity.
17. Cultivating dependency and undermining authority
This may manifest as positioning oneself as the indispensable parent, rewarding behaviours that support one parent and subtly discouraging independence or respect for the other parent, ‘You can only do this when you are at my house’, or ‘You don’t get those opportunities when you are with your father’. This fosters reliance, limiting autonomy and skewing perceptions of parental roles.
17 signs that a targeted or alienated parent may experience
When a parent is targeted by alienating behaviours, the emotional impact can be profound. Grief, confusion, and helplessness are common, as children are manipulated to reject or distance themselves. The strategies used by the alienating parent can create emotional damage, stress and a deep loss of connection experienced by the targeted parent.
1. Being badmouthed by the other parent
A targeted parent may hear their child repeat critical or false statements about them, which can be heartbreaking, confusing or isolating, and their attempts to reassure or explain differently to their child may be ignored. The child may internalise negativity and show loyalty to the other parent, leaving the targeted parent feeling invisible.
2. Having contact blocked or limited
Texts, emails, or letters may go unanswered, delayed or intercepted. A targeted parent may feel shut out and helpless, while their child loses confidence in sharing feelings, often reflecting the other parent’s narrative instead of receiving reassurance or care.
Scheduled calls, messages or visits are frequently cancelled, cut short or undermined. A targeted parent may feel powerless and distressed while seeing their child experience emotional distance and inconsistency, or becoming reliant on the other parent for approval and comfort.
3. Being cut out of communication and having information withheld
The targeted parent may not receive updates about their child’s school, medical care or extracurricular activities and may miss important events or milestones due to this. This leaves the parent feeling excluded and powerless, while the child may mistakenly believe the targeted parent does not care, increasing reliance on the alienating parent.
4. Seeing reminders removed or ignored
Photos, gifts, keepsakes or sentimental items from the targeted parent may be discarded, hidden, or destroyed. The targeted parent feels invisible and erased, while their child experiences emotional loss, confusion, and a weakening of their bond, noticing the parent’s consistent care contrasts with the alienating parent’s actions.
5. Experiencing withdrawal of love
Their child may refuse hugs, avoid affection or act distant when with the targeted parent. The targeted parent feels grief, rejection and helplessness, while the child experiences anxiety and uncertainty, often internalising negative messages from the alienating parent despite the targeted parent’s consistent love and support.
6. Being portrayed as dangerous
If a child is told that the targeted parent is unsafe, careless, or threatening. The targeted parent feels falsely accused and scrutinised, while the child develops fear, mistrust, and hesitation, eroding natural feelings of security and attachment despite the parent’s proven safety and care.
7. Being forced to compete or choose
If a child may be being pressured to declare a preference or take sides between parents, a target parent may remain neutral while being undermined by the other parent. The targeted parent feels isolated and heartbroken, while the child experiences guilt, anxiety and internal conflict, torn between loyalty to both parents and a desire to avoid conflict or disapproval.
8. Being told by a child that they do not love them
If a child begins to reject affection or repeat that the targeted parent does not care, with no basis, it is often echoing the alienating parent. The targeted parent feels powerless to correct these false beliefs, leaving the child confused about trustworthy sources of love, safety, and emotional support.
9. Being confided in by your child
The alienating parent may share adult concerns or personal issues with the child. The targeted parent feels frustrated, excluded, and burdened, while the child experiences anxiety, inappropriate responsibility and loyalty conflict. If the targeted parent does not respond in the same way, in their best interests, the child can develop a skewed, one-sided view of family dynamics, feeling caught between two parents’ emotional worlds.
10. Being rejected by your child
If a child begins to avoid visits, ignores or refuses to engage with the targeted parent, the parent may feel grief, heartbreak and helplessness, while seeing the child internalise divided loyalty, believing that rejection is necessary to maintain approval or love from the alienating parent.
11. Being spied on through their child
A targeted parent may be pushed to ask for specific information about the targeted parent by the alienating parent, or worse, be encouraged to spy, record, go through belongings or report personal information to the targeted parent. The targeted parent may feel violated and mistrusted, while the child experiences stress, confusion and guilt, caught in a role that undermines trust in both parents.
12. Having information kept from them by their child
If a child has been instructed to hide information or activities from the targeted parent, they may either share with the targeted parent and feel guilty, or not share and feel guilty. The parent feels excluded and powerless, while the child experiences anxiety, guilt and fear of open communication, further weakening the parent-child relationship and emotional safety.
13. Being referred to by their first name or other names
If a child is encouraged to address the targeted parent by first name rather than ‘mum’ or ‘dad’, the targeted parent feels invisible and undermined, while their child becomes confused about parental authority, respect and the importance of the parent-child bond. Having their parental role minimised is distressing for both the alienated parent and the child.
14. Being replaced by a step-parent
If a child is encouraged to use parental titles for a new partner or step-parent, the targeted parent may feel hurt, displaced and heartbroken, while the child experiences loyalty conflict, struggling to reconcile attachments to both parents, and may internalise the alienating parent’s emotional alignment.
15. Being denied important information
The targeted parent may not receive updates about their child’s school, medical care, or extracurricular activities and may miss important events or milestones. This leaves the parent feeling excluded and powerless, while the child may mistakenly perceive the parent’s absence as neglect, increasing reliance on the alienating parent.
16. Seeing their child’s name changed
Altering surnames, nicknames or identity markers reduces recognition of the targeted parent. The alienated parent may feel erased and disconnected, while their child experiences identity confusion, divided loyalty, and weakened continuity with the parent who is actively loving and protective.
17. Experiencing undermined authority or dependency
The alienating parent positions themselves as indispensable, rewarding loyalty and discouraging independence. The targeted parent feels undermined and isolated, while the child becomes overly reliant on the alienating parent, despite the targeted parent consistently providing guidance, support and healthy boundaries.
Family law & parental alienation
The Family Law Act does not contain a specific section or definition for ‘parental alienation’, but there are sections of the Act that address related behaviours, including:
Section 60B – Objects of Part VII
Section 60B – Objects of Part VII sets out the objects of parenting provisions, including ensuring that children benefit from both parents’ meaningful involvement in their lives to the maximum extent consistent with their best interests. Alienating behaviours that restrict a child’s relationship with a parent undermine this principle.
Section 60CA to 60CC – Best Interests of the Child
The best interests test is the central consideration.
The two primary factors are:
- The benefit to the child of having a meaningful relationship with both parents
- The need to protect the child from harm, including psychological harm caused by being subjected to or exposed to abuse, neglect or family violence
Alienating behaviour could be argued as psychological harm, which must be weighed carefully against the importance of maintaining parental relationships.
Section 4AB – Family Violence Definition
This section includes behaviour that coerces, controls, or causes a family member to be fearful. Exposing a child to family violence, including emotional manipulation or denigration of the other parent, can fall within this definition.
Section 61C – Parental responsibility
Both parents share parental responsibility unless the court orders otherwise. A parent who deliberately alienates a child may be acting contrary to this responsibility, particularly if it undermines the child’s welfare.
Section 65C and 65D – Parenting orders
These provisions allow the court to make parenting orders about where the child lives, spends time, and communicates. Allegations of alienating behaviours may influence how such orders are drafted to protect the child’s right to maintain relationships with both parents.
Section 68B – Injunctions for personal protection
Under Section 68B, the court can grant injunctions for the welfare of the child. If alienating conduct is severe, the court may use these powers to restrain harmful behaviour.
Section 67ZBB – Requirement to take prompt action in family violence cases
Where there are allegations of family violence or abuse, courts must deal with them promptly. If alienation is framed as emotional abuse, this urgency provision may apply.
Broader principles
While not directly named, the principles behind parental alienation, such as emotional abuse and undermining a child’s connection with a parent, are recognised and addressed within the Act.
Parenting order clauses
- Non-denigration clauses: Each parent is restrained from denigrating, criticising, or speaking negatively about the other parent in the child’s presence or hearing.
- Information sharing clauses: Both parents are required to keep each other informed about important matters affecting the child, such as health, schooling, and extracurricular activities.
- Changeover arrangements: Orders specifying neutral locations or supervised changeovers to reduce conflict in front of the child.
- Communication orders: Directions that the child be permitted to have regular telephone, video, or electronic communication with the other parent.
- Restraints on interference: Provisions preventing a parent from interfering with or disrupting the child’s time with the other parent.
Contravention of parenting orders
If a parent disobeys parenting orders (for example, by refusing to allow time, denigrating the other parent in breach of a non-denigration clause, or interfering with communication), this may be a contravention under Division 13A of Part VII of the Family Law Act 1975 (ss 70NAC–70NU).
The law sets out different categories of contravention:
- Without reasonable excuse – if the parent knowingly failed to comply
- With a reasonable excuse – for example, safety concerns for the child
Enforcement of parenting orders
The court has a range of powers under ss 70NFB–70NFC to enforce parenting orders. Depending on the seriousness and frequency of the breach, the court may:
- Order the parent to attend a parenting program
- Vary or make new parenting orders to ensure compliance
- Order make-up time to restore lost contact
- Require the parent to enter into a bond (promising future compliance)
- Order the payment of legal costs to the other parent
- In severe or repeated cases, impose fines or community service
- In extreme situations, consider changing residence arrangements if the child’s relationship with a parent is being seriously undermined.
Emotional abuse and family violence
Parental alienation can be considered a form of emotional abuse or family violence, which is recognised under the Family Law Act and can be addressed through legal action.
Evidence required
If a parent believes the child has been alienated, they will need to present evidence to the court, including records of communications, breaches of orders in place, or reports from therapists, schools or other relevant professionals where possible.
Potential outcomes
If the court determines that alienation has occurred, it may make orders to protect the child’s right to a meaningful relationship with both parents, including orders related to parenting arrangements, visitation, and contact.
Other avenues for addressing parental alienation
Addressing parental alienation requires more than identifying alienating parent signs. The response must be carefully structured so the child has emotional space to form their own views without pressure. Courts and practitioners focus on steps that protect the child’s well-being, support emotional well-being, and reduce emotional turmoil, while promoting healthier family dynamics. Approaches include:
Counselling and family therapy: Professional support from psychologists, counsellors, or family consultants helps the child process emotions, rebuild trust with both parents, and navigate emotional distress.
Parenting programs: These programs teach communication, conflict resolution, and the impact of negative behaviours, including harsh criticism or expressing disapproval, on the child’s feelings.
Detailed parenting orders: Orders may include non-denigration clauses, structured changeover arrangements, information-sharing requirements, and phone calls to maintain contact.
Supervised time or changeovers: Neutral supervisors or contact centres provide safe interactions until trust is restored and children are confident expressing their feelings.
Judicial monitoring: Courts may use ongoing review hearings in high-conflict contexts to ensure compliance and reduce negative behaviours.
Contravention and enforcement applications: Remedies for persistent refusal to follow orders include make-up time, cost orders, or, in severe cases, changes in living arrangements to protect the child’s well-being.
Independent children’s lawyer (ICL): Represents the child’s best interests during a family law enquiry, ensuring their perspective is considered and validated.
These strategies are often combined to support the child’s emotional well-being, restore positive relationships with both parents, and reduce negative perceptions of the targeted parent. Professional support for parents is also vital in navigating emotional distress, low self-esteem, and other impacts of emotional child abuse.
Impact on the child, targeted parent and family dynamics
Parental alienation can create significant emotional turmoil for all individuals involved. Children may experience emotional distress, anxiety, loyalty conflicts, and low self-esteem. Targeted parents feel grief, frustration, and helplessness when their child refuses contact or internalises negative behaviours.
Siblings and extended family may also experience divided loyalties or witness strained relationships, amplifying emotional distress. Such situations can erode healthy family dynamics, highlighting the need for early intervention and professional support to protect the child’s wellbeing and restore positive relationships.
Potential impact of parental alienation strategies on children
Child resists the alienation – The child maintains a relationship with the alienated parent but may feel guilt, divided loyalty, hypervigilance, and role confusion, particularly if exposed to harsh criticism or negative behaviours from the alienating parent. With support, resilience can develop; without it, anxiety and emotional distress may persist.
Child is caught in the middle or alienated – Manipulation can cause identity distortion, unresolved grief, black-and-white thinking, poor emotional regulation, and parentification. Even awareness without the ability to act can lead to helplessness, fear, suppressed feelings, and long-term trust issues. Physical separation may further reinforce false narratives, emotional detachment, and low self-esteem.
Long-term risks – Children affected by emotional child abuse and alienating behaviours face higher risks of:
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Substance misuse
- Difficulties in future relationships
- Perpetuating alienation with their own children.
Early intervention and professional support significantly mitigate these risks.
Healing from parental alienation
Recovery requires patience, consistency and professional support. The alienated parent should focus on rebuilding trust, showing warmth without blame, and allowing the child space to reconnect. Therapy, reunification programs and validation of the child’s feelings help shift negative perceptions, repair emotional bonds and promote healthier family dynamics.
Positive relationships with both parents, consistent non-retaliatory love from the alienated parent, support from neutral adults, and age-appropriate explanations strengthen emotional wellbeing. Legal intervention or structured therapy may be necessary in such situations to safeguard the child’s well-being and emotional development.
Protecting your relationship with your child can be challenging when there are complex family dynamics at play. If you are facing parental alienation or struggling to maintain contact with your child, expert legal guidance can make a significant difference.
Our compassionate and highly experienced family law team understands the emotional, financial and practical complexities involved. We can help you explore legal options around parental alienation, safeguard your parental rights, and take steps to restore healthy family dynamics.
