How to Expose a Narcissist in Family Court (Australia) 

Disclaimer

This information is general and not a substitute for personalised legal or clinical advice. It discusses behaviours that appear selfish, controlling or manipulative during a relationship or family breakdown, which are often viewed as narcissistic traits. The term is used for discussion purposes only and relates to observable behaviours and experiences that may impact legal proceedings.

It does not diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder or any mental health condition. Only qualified clinicians can make a diagnosis. Courts in Australia assess specific actions, behaviours and their impact – and evidence – rather than labels such as ‘narcissist’, and will only consider professional mental health diagnoses for context, such as NPD.

If you need support:

•  Speak with a family lawyer for tailored guidance on your legal position
• Contact a GP or psychologist for mental health support
• If you feel unsafe, call 000 or reach out to domestic violence services

Why is the term ‘narcissist’ used so frequently today?

Maybe it’s social media, or the frequency that we hear this word thrown around today, but the growing popularity of topics such as ‘How to expose a narcissist in family court in Australia’, and similar subjects, indicate that there is a high level of interest in this subject.

It’s also possible that many people are defaulting to the term narcissism to describe a range of difficult and manipulative behaviours in their ex-partner, potentially leading to it becoming a buzzword across the internet in recent years. It’s quite likely that many ‘high-conflict’, toxic and abusive behaviours are mistaken for narcissism, so we’ll look broadly at behaviours associated with what is commonly termed ‘narcissism’. It’s important to be aware of any overlap of coercive control and family violence, and seek appropriate help as required.

It’s frustrating for people who are dealing with these types of behaviours to need to do additional research to find ways to potentially show legal decision-makers that someone isn’t presenting as who they really are in a legal matter, or is deliberately manipulating outcomes. This is obviously a genuine concern for many who are facing people in court that they know may go to any length to win, or those who cannot address a matter with fairness or respect for anyone else’s needs, most especially when matters relate to things as important as your children or financial security.

Recognising high-conflict & manipulative behaviours in family law

Many people have some of these traits, but NPD is one of four distinct ‘Cluster B’ personality types that demonstrate a high degree of self-regard and a low level of empathy for others. It’s estimated that one in 20 people has a Cluster B personality disorder, and many can live happy and functional lives with the right support. For the purposes of this article, the term narcissism is used to demonstrate individuals who create high levels of conflict, act selfishly, in abusive ways, dishonestly or in underhanded manners while addressing family law matters. 

In this guide, we’ll look at a number of different family law legal processes and how they may be derailed or affected if you are dealing with someone with narcissistic, high-conflict, abusive or difficult traits, as well as some insights into managing these processes, and how to potentially expose a narcissist in family court.

The importance of presenting your case clearly and factually

Exposing a narcissist or manipulative person in family court or legal proceedings can be challenging. The key is to demonstrate, in a logical and factual manner, that the person you are dealing with may not be presenting accurate information. If false allegations are made, focus on evidence that shows the facts clearly. Often, people will try to provoke an emotional response with damaging but untrue claims to distract from the real issues. For example, if assets are undervalued and you point this out, they may invent false claims to deflect attention. Staying calm, factual, and evidence-based ensures your position is respected and understood.

Dealing with a former partner who shows what many see as narcissistic behaviours (such as being difficult, manipulative, selfish, low empathy, high sense of self-importance or controlling) can make family law matters feel even more overwhelming and complicated than they already are. 

The challenges of family law matters, court & a ‘narcissistic’ ex

Many people fear going to court with a narcissist, as they are concerned that they may lie, ‘game’ the system, distort facts or manipulate the outcome, which can be truly devastating in what should be a fair and just process.

While many people use the term ‘narcissist’ to describe this conduct, it is essential to note that this article is not a diagnostic tool. Australian courts do not recognise narcissism, except in the rare cases that it has been diagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder by a mental health professional. 

Courts focus on evidence, not labels. Personality disorder type behaviours matter only where they affect parenting capacity, credibility or a child’s safety. Clear documentation, expert assessments and reliable patterns of behaviour carry far more weight than emotional dialogue and assist the court to assess risk and the child’s best interests accurately. Understanding how to present clear, relevant information can help ensure your case is heard fairly, without getting lost in emotional accusations or games.

Are you dealing with a narcissistic or high-conflict ex?

If you’ve been in a long-term relationship with someone who demonstrates these types of behaviours, and feel they have abusive or narcissistic traits, it’s understandable that the thought of going to court, negotiating or mediating with them is highly unappealing, or even a frightening option – most especially when your children are involved, or you stand to lose a lot financially.

Whether it’s high conflict, a genuine personality disorder, or you are just dealing with someone who makes every step of separation really hard, we’ve put together this guide with some tips on what to be aware of and how to best navigate dealing with a narcissist during the family law process. 

To get started, we’ll look at some common behaviours seen in this type of dynamic.

Behaviours commonly associated with narcissistic or high-conflict people in legal matters

There are many behaviours that you may experience when dealing with a difficult ex-partner in the legal system. We’ve previously explored the traits of narcissistic abuse in our article ‘Separation from a Narcissist: Legal Strategies & Guidance’ if you’d like to learn more about specific tactics and behaviours. 

• Inflated sense of self, entitlement and superiority
• Protecting their reputation at all costs
• Manipulation, lies or distortion of the truth
• Exaggeration and fact-twisting
• Gaslighting and “crazy making”
• DARVO tactics (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender)
• Charming in public, abusive in private
• Character assassination
• Smear campaigns
• False allegations
• Narcissistic rage
• Narcissistic injury
• Winning at all costs
• Using children as bargaining chips
• Pulling others into their dynamic as allies or “flying monkeys”
• Misrepresenting informal or verbal agreements as binding

If you are managing these behaviours in a current or former partner, support is essential. Consider seeing a counsellor, psychologist or domestic violence service who is trained in these dynamics, as well as seeking legal advice.

Recommended early actions

• Seek professional legal advice early: Work with an experienced family lawyer (or domestic violence lawyer) who understands complex emotional dynamics to help you navigate the legal system.
• Maintain documentation: Keep clear records of financial, parenting and communication matters.
• Stick to facts, not emotions: Avoid emotional outbursts in communications, mediation or court, where possible.
• Use mediation or collaborative processes with a skilled, neutral third party: This can help reach fair agreements without escalating conflict.
• Consider professional support: Engage therapists, mediators or parenting coordinators to manage stress and behaviour in high-conflict situations.

What are the real legal & practical risks of going through family law processes with a difficult, abusive or narcissistic ex?

While most people understand that family law processes aren’t perfect, they know that with a bit of compromise and adjustment, they can achieve a fair result. If you are dealing with someone who refuses to meet halfway, or worse, someone who is intent on making the process difficult, there are real risks, including:

• Loss of family home or assets due to unfair negotiations or unfair settlements
• Parenting orders skewed or complicated by manipulative tactics
• Ongoing difficulties with co-parenting arrangements
• Undermining or parental alienation tactics, which expose children to risks such as triangulation, behavioural issues and PTSD
• Character assassination or reputational damage
• Risk of property settlement being very imbalanced or unfair if one party is not legally represented
• False allegations delaying proceedings or damaging reputation
• Informal discussions misrepresented as legal agreements
• Manufactured or exaggerated witness accounts
• Ongoing litigation due to refusal to compromise
• Children being dragged through court, and ongoing stress
• High legal fees or serious financial consequences

Tip: Working with a family lawyer who is skilled in recognising difficult interpersonal dynamics can make the process as efficient, low-stress, and cost-effective as possible.

Emotional & psychological costs of high conflict matters in court

Dealing with a narcissistic former partner can make every stage of separation and post-separation life more difficult. From private negotiations through to court proceedings, their behaviour often centres on control, reputation and “winning” rather than achieving fair or workable outcomes. This creates legal, financial, and emotional strain for the other party and, at times, for children caught in the middle.

Challenges include:

• Ongoing harassment or manipulation outside of court
• Repeated applications to the court as a tactic of control
• Escalation of family violence concerns
• Mental health impacts for both parents and children

Engaging both legal support and mental health professionals can help manage these risks, provide coping strategies, and protect the wellbeing of all involved.

Strategies to protect yourself during legal proceedings

A clear structure helps you stay grounded and protect your position in any high-conflict situation.

• Remain calm, don’t react emotionally

• Get support, whether through friends, family, your lawyer or a therapist.
• Stick to facts, not emotions
• Keep comprehensive written, digital, and photographic records
• Chronologically organise evidence (texts, emails, witness statements)
• Be prepared for lies and distortions
• Expose inconsistencies in their behaviour or statements
• Get independent witness statements where possible
• Obtain legal representation experienced with high-conflict or narcissistic dynamics
• Use therapy records or third-party evidence where available
• Focus documentation on legally relevant behaviour (manipulation, abuse, gaslighting)
• Avoid informal ‘deals’ or ‘agreements’ – only sign properly drafted, binding agreements
• Do not be pushed into making decisions when you are emotional, being coerced or feeling threatened
• Secure financial independence (separate accounts, budget planning)
• Create structured parenting plans or orders to minimise conflict

These steps create clarity, reduce risk and help you stay protected throughout the process.

Why are people looking for ways to expose a narcissist in family court in Australia?

Divorce, separation, co-parenting arrangements, and financial separation can be stressful in even the most amicable breakups. These matters focus on some of the most important areas of our lives – our home, our emotional well-being, our family, our children and our financial future.

The family law system is designed to provide fairness during relationship breakdown with legal processes that protect the interests of both parties – and any children involved, while organising parenting arrangements and dividing assets and debts.

It’s normal and natural for people to be emotional during these processes, to disagree, or to want different things that just can’t co-occur, which is why compromise is often necessary, and disputes may arise when reaching a final agreement. But what if the person you are dealing with has no intention of playing fairly, or lacks the ability to think of anyone but themself?

What happens if they outright lie, twist facts, use threats or intimidation, gaslight, manipulate the legal process, or are they completely self-focused regardless of what is right or wrong?

Below, we’ll look at different legal processes and how they may play out when dealing with a narcissistic or high-conflict ex.

Issues with private negotiation with a difficult or narcissistic ex-partner

Private negotiation with a narcissistic ex-partner is often extremely difficult. Without lawyers or mediators present, the imbalance of power becomes clear. Narcissists may use charm, threats or relentless persistence to push for terms that serve their own interests, not those of anyone else in the family. Their lack of empathy means genuine compromise rarely occurs, leaving the other party pressured or fearful.

Common problems include:

• Nasty communications
• Intimidation, guilt-tripping or blackmail
• Agreements that favour them, not the children’s best interests
• Constant changes of position to prolong negotiations
• Misrepresentation of what was said or agreed to
• Not honouring agreements reached

Because there is no independent record, informal negotiations often collapse or are later disputed. This increases conflict and makes it harder to reach a durable outcome.

Tip: For protection, many people choose to handle discussions through lawyers or mediation because the professional boundaries and accountability are stronger.

Issues with lawyer-assisted negotiation

Even with lawyers involved, negotiations with narcissistic or adversarial individuals remain challenging. Although lawyers provide a buffer, narcissists often view the process as a battle to be won, rather than a situation to be fairly resolved. 

They may deliberately escalate conflict to increase the other party’s legal fees or to ‘punish them’ emotionally. Their fixation on ‘winning’ prevents genuine compromise, even when proposals are fair to both parties.

Challenges often include:

• Refusal to provide full or timely disclosure
• Using tactics to increase the other party’s costs
• Constant objections or rejection of reasonable offers
• Making unreasonable offers or demands
• Last-minute changes or intentional curveballs
• Threats to ‘drag things out’ in court
• Shifting arguments to delay resolution

Lawyer-assisted negotiation provides structure, but narcissists may still manipulate the process by overwhelming lawyers with irrelevant issues or making false allegations. This can frustrate progress and increase costs.

Tip: Despite these tactics, lawyer involvement ensures negotiations are documented and provides a level of protection from direct emotional manipulation in most cases.

Issues with the divorce process

For most people, apart from managing any genuine emotions involved, getting a divorce is pretty straightforward in terms of paperwork and requirements. Even the divorce process itself can be a source of stress when one party is narcissistic or aiming to complicate things.

Rather than viewing it as a legal step to formally end the marriage, they may treat it as another arena to assert control. They may delay paperwork, refuse service or contest basic matters to prolong contact and wear the other party down emotionally or financially.

Key issues include:

• Withholding documents or ignoring deadlines
• Objecting to procedural steps simply to cause delays
• Contesting a divorce with no valid reason
• Using the process as an opportunity to reassert dominance
• Shifting blame or making false allegations to protect their reputation, despite Australia’s no-fault divorce system

For true narcissists, divorce often represents a personal defeat, which can fuel rage or vindictive behaviour. This mindset means even straightforward divorces can become unnecessarily protracted. Seeking strong legal representation ensures procedural timelines are enforced and delays are minimised.

Issues with mediation & family dispute resolution (FDR)

Mediation and FDR are designed to encourage respectful communication and compromise, but these forums can be exploited by narcissistic individuals. They may treat the process as a performance, using charm to sway the mediator or hostility to intimidate the other party. Their unwillingness to genuinely collaborate often prevents workable agreements.

Typical issues include:

• Refusal to attend or act in good faith regarding resolving matters
• Using the forum to control or belittle the other party
• Presenting false or exaggerated claims to gain leverage
• Setting their own agenda
• Appearing agreeable in session, then refusing to honour outcomes
• Manipulating mediators with selective information or charm

While mediators are trained to manage conflict, they cannot always counter deeply ingrained manipulation tactics. Mediation may break down entirely or result in agreements that later unravel. For some families, court intervention becomes necessary when FDR is undermined by one party’s conduct.

Tip: In high-conflict or emotionally charged mediations, consider requesting shuttle mediation (in which you and your former partner can be in separate rooms), having your lawyer present, avoiding informal agreements, and relying only on written or documented evidence. These steps help maintain structure, reduce manipulation, and keep discussions focused on fair, practical outcomes.

Issues with making parenting arrangements

Parenting arrangements often highlight the stark difficulties of co-parenting with a narcissist. They may focus on control rather than the child’s best interests, making practical arrangements almost impossible. Their ability to present as the “perfect parent” to outsiders can further complicate matters.

Likely challenges include:

• Proposing parenting schedules that suit their lifestyle, not the children’s needs
• Undermining the other parent’s role or authority
• Using children as messengers or tools of control
• Refusing to agree to consistent routines or boundaries
• Using damaging tactics to involve the children or turn them against the other parent
• Pressuring children to ‘choose’ between parents, or parental alienation
• Threatening to take access or time with children away with no valid reason
• Using shared decision-making as a tool to block the other parent’s wishes or choices

These behaviours destabilise children and increase conflict. Court-ordered parenting plans or parenting orders are often necessary to set enforceable arrangements, as voluntary agreements frequently collapse. Protecting the children’s welfare becomes the central concern in such cases.

Tip: Ensure your parenting orders are detailed and unambiguous, leaving no room for misinterpretation. Familiarise yourself with the process for enforcing orders if they are breached or ignored, so you can act quickly and confidently to protect your child’s wellbeing and your parental rights.

Parenting disputes & children’s arrangements

In parenting matters, ongoing conflict can expose children to stress and uncertainty.

Potential issues include:

• Children becoming caught in ‘loyalty’ conflicts or alienated from a parent
• Interim parenting orders limiting a parent’s time for extended periods
• False allegations being raised, requiring lengthy, expensive and draining investigations
• Children’s voices not being properly considered in decision-making
• Children being coached or incentivised to convey a certain angle
• Children suffering from ongoing stress due to the conflict

Careful evidence gathering and a child-focused approach help to reduce these risks. Parents should also take steps to protect the mental health and wellbeing of children involved, wherever possible.

Ongoing issues with co-parenting matters

Even after orders or agreements are in place, co-parenting with a narcissistic parent often remains fraught. They may treat the parenting arrangement as a new stage of conflict, using every handover, school event, or decision-making process as an opportunity for control.

Ongoing difficulties include:

• Constantly breaching or bending parenting orders
• Making unilateral decisions about schooling or health care
• Refusal to communicate or bombarding with excessive communication
• Involving children in adult disputes or portraying the other parent negatively
• Refusal to share information
• Children picking up negative attitudes from one parent
• Children pressured to live in one household
• Children confused about constant changes made by one parent

These behaviours create instability for the children and strain for the other parent. Long-term strategies often involve minimising direct contact and keeping records of breaches to support future enforcement applications if required.

Challenges for the parents & children who become involved in these dynamics 

Challenges for the other parent (and children) often arise because high-conflict behaviour creates instability, confusion and emotional strain.

This can have many impacts, including: 

• Emotional toll of constant manipulation and conflict
• Difficulty negotiating parenting or property matters
• Risk of children being manipulated, alienated, or drawn into conflict
• Coping with false allegations or smear campaigns
• Navigating a legal system that does not recognise narcissistic abuse as a legal term
• Difficulty proving patterns of behaviour without strong evidence
• Financial abuse or attempts at financial control
• Lack of empathy from the narcissist in co-parenting
• Risk of eating disorders, mental illness, or trauma responses developing

Recognising these dynamics early helps protect children’s wellbeing and strengthens your ability to respond constructively.

Managing co-parenting with a narcissist or high-conflict ex-partner

Co-parenting with a narcissist can be extremely challenging, as they may try to use the children as a means of control or manipulation. There is a large crossover with family violence in many instances, and it’s essential to seek support to minimise the impacts on both yourself and the children involved.

Helpful avenues to manage this dynamic include: 

• Setting clear boundaries and communicating effectively can help minimise conflict and ensure the children’s needs are met.
• Having a clear, detailed parenting plan or court order to establish a clear framework for co-parenting and reduce the risk of conflict.
• Prioritising the children’s emotional and physical wellbeing and seeking support from professionals, such as therapists or counsellors.
• Working with a family lawyer who can help you navigate the complexities of co-parenting with a narcissist and ensure the children’s best interests are protected.

Issues with property settlement

Property settlement disputes often become a battleground when narcissism is involved. Instead of focusing on fair division under the Family Law Act, narcissists may hide assets, exaggerate debts, or deliberately prolong proceedings to exhaust the other party. Their sense of entitlement can lead them to demand far more than a fair share.

Common problems include:

• Non-disclosure of financial documents or hidden accounts
• Inflating valuations or minimising their own contributions
• Refusal to negotiate reasonably, regardless of evidence
• Threats to prolong litigation as a pressure tactic
• Last minute changes
• Lies or false allegations to try to skew the outcome

These behaviours increase costs and stress, while also delaying closure. Court oversight and financial disclosure orders are often required to ensure transparency. Without such measures, property matters can become highly contentious and draining.

Financial risks & property division

Property settlements can be lengthy and expensive if disputes escalate.

Difficult scenarios include:

• One party hiding or dissipating assets before disclosure
• Prolonged litigation draining the asset pool with legal fees
• Unequal financial outcomes if a party cannot afford strong legal representation
• Orders being delayed, leaving one person without financial security
• Unfair settlements due to misrepresentation, threats or dishonesty 

These risks show the importance of early disclosure, careful documentation, and advice on likely outcomes.

Financial protection strategies

Financial protection is critical when dealing with a narcissistic ex-partner, as they may try to use financial control as a means of abuse.

• Open separate bank accounts and secure your own credit card to maintain independence.
• Gather full financial records early, including statements, assets, liabilities and valuation documents.
• Create a clear budget so you understand your needs during negotiations.
• Anticipate tactics such as hiding assets, delaying disclosure or inflating liabilities.
• Keep written requests for disclosure to create a clear evidence trail.
• Avoid agreeing to anything verbally; ensure all offers are documented.
• Seek advice from a family lawyer experienced with high-conflict or coercive dynamics.
• Consult financial advisors where needed to support long-term stability.

It’s essential to prioritise your financial security and seek support from financial advisors and legal professionals.

Additional risks associated with legal processes for family law matters, which may escalate in high-conflict scenarios.

Before we look at specific issues related to going to court with a difficult person, or someone with a personality disorder, it’s important to understand that the court process itself carries risks, delays and issues – which can be amplified if a matter is drawn out or adversarial. 

These include:

• Delays caused by overburdened court lists, resulting in prolonged interim arrangements.
• Orders that feel unfair because key evidence was missing, unclear or not properly tested.
• Appeals that add further cost, uncertainty, and emotional strain.
• Limited resources to pursue enforcement when orders are breached.
• Complex disputes involving family violence, substance use, or conflicting accounts that require extra reports and investigations.
• Multiple expert assessments, often delayed due to limited availability.
• Non-compliance with disclosure or filing deadlines creating additional procedural hearings.
• Rising legal costs that can push parties into partial or full self-representation, slowing proceedings.
• Cross-applications, such as recovery orders or contraventions that disrupt progress.
• Health, capacity or trauma issues that require further information before the matter can advance.
• Parenting and property issues running together, extending timelines for both.
• Disputes about children’s views, sometimes requiring an Independent Children’s Lawyer.

These scenarios can impact any family law matter – but if one person is creating conflict, or lacks insight or empathy, the court process can be significantly disruptive. This highlights the value of clear evidence, support and strong advocacy throughout the matter.

Going to court with a narcissist or high-conflict ex-partner?

If your property or parenting matter has not been resolved through negotiation, mediation or other attempts, and it’s going to court, there is a lot to consider, especially if difficult behaviours have persisted throughout attempts to resolve matters.

It’s essential to understand how to present your case in a context that is relevant and recognised under Australian family law. A skilled family lawyer can assist you in doing this, but we’ll look at some general guidelines in this section.

It’s also very important to remember that evidence matters far more than personality descriptions. The best approach is to describe repeated conflict, show impacts on children, demonstrate refusal to disclose financial information, delays in mediation, coercive behaviour or any other long-term patterns affecting resolution.

Issues that may arise in family court with a narcissist

Court proceedings are especially complex when one party is narcissistic or high-conflict. The adversarial setting can encourage their combative style, and their focus on reputation means they may use lies or manipulative tactics to maintain their self-image. This may result in false accusations, selective disclosure, or character assassination, which can be very upsetting for the recipient.

Key risks include:

• False or exaggerated allegations of abuse or neglect
• Attacks on the credibility of the other party
• Attempts to charm judges or discredit professionals
• Relentless pursuit of “winning” rather than resolution

Tip: It can be very difficult to stay focused on the matter at hand when dealing with these types of behaviours, but it’s essential to concentrate on the process, rather than the manipulation, as much as possible.

The importance of documenting evidence

• Documenting evidence of narcissistic abuse is crucial in family court cases, as it can help prove the abuse and support your claims.
• Keeping a record of incidents, including dates, times, and details of what happened, is essential in building a case against a narcissistic ex-partner.
• Witness statements, text messages, and other forms of communication can also be used as evidence in family court.
• It’s essential to keep your documentation organised and secure, as it may be used in court proceedings.
• A family lawyer can help you understand what evidence is relevant and how to present it in court.

Proving patterns of behaviour to the court

Proving abuse in family court can be difficult, but it’s essential to provide evidence and support your claims. A family lawyer with experience in dealing with narcissistic abuse or selfish behaviours, ‘high-conflict’ matters, emotional and psych abuse can help you build a strong case and present evidence in court.

Witness statements, medical records, and other forms of documentation can be used to support your claims.

It’s essential to stay calm and focused throughout the process, as emotional responses can be used against you in court. A support system, including legal professionals and an emotional support network, can help you stay strong and focused throughout the process.

Protecting children in high-conflict family law matters

The safest and healthiest approach in high-conflict matters is to keep children out of the adult conflict entirely. Children should not be drawn into disputes, exposed to allegations, pressured to take sides or burdened with information that belongs in the legal process, but unfortunately, it often occurs. 

Their wellbeing, stability and emotional security remain the central focus of the Family Law Act, and should be the guiding principle for all adults involved.

Key principles for protecting children

•  Shield them from conflict. Avoid discussing the dispute, allegations, court processes or adult disagreements in their presence.
• Maintain normal routines. Structure, predictability and calm environments reduce stress and improve resilience.
•  Support them with counselling where appropriate. Independent therapeutic support can help children process feelings safely without directing outcomes.
•  Limit adult conversations around children. Phone calls, changeovers and interactions should be neutral, brief and low-conflict.

If children are involved in the legal process, here are some ways you can help

When children’s views or experiences become relevant, there are safeguards to protect them from exposure and pressure, but it will still most likely be a very stressful environment for them.

Legal pathways for children include:

• An Independent Children’s Lawyer (ICL) may be appointed to represent the child’s best interests.
• Child-inclusive mediation can be used cautiously with trained practitioners.
• Family reports and psychological assessments allow professionals, not parents, to gather information respectfully, privately and safely.
• Structured interviews with family consultants ensure the child’s voice is heard without influence.

These mechanisms ensure the court receives high-quality information without placing the child in the middle.

Minimising stress, pressure and conflicting loyalties that children may experience

High-conflict matters often create internal tension for children, especially when they feel torn between parents. 

Helpful strategies include:

• Reassure children that they are loved, that it is not their fault in any way and that they do not need to choose sides. They need to know they are supported by both parents without having to do anything.
•  Avoid negative comments about the other parent. Even subtle criticism increases anxiety and conflict loyalty.
• Encourage open, age-appropriate expression. Children should feel free to talk about their experiences without fear of upsetting either parent.
• Validate their feelings. Acknowledge that the situation is confusing or stressful, but avoid placing responsibility on them.
• Monitor sudden behavioural changes. Withdrawal, school problems, fearfulness or emotional changes may indicate distress that needs professional support.

Managing issues like coaching, alienation and manipulation

There are many distressing behaviours that a narcissistic or high-conflict parent may employ that can harm children and distort evidence. 

To reduce impact:

• Keep interactions child-focused and calm during transitions.
• Document concerns factually and avoid making accusations directly to the child.
• Encourage independent contact with both parents unless safety is an issue.
• Use parenting apps or structured communication to reduce conflict spillover.
•  Rely on professionals to identify patterns rather than confronting the other parent.
• If you believe the other parent is coaching, prompting, scripting, pressuring or manipulating a child, avoid reacting in a way that draws the child further into the conflict. Coaching is harmful, usually identifiable to professionals and can significantly undermine the other parent’s credibility. Your role is to stay calm, remain child-focused and allow independent experts to detect and address any signs of influence or pressure.

Ensuring children feel safe

Above all, children must feel emotionally and physically safe. Provide reassurance, maintain stable routines and make it clear they are not responsible for the conflict. Where concerns arise, seek advice from your lawyer, your child’s counsellor or the court so that protective steps can be implemented without placing the child in the crossfire.

Psychological screening & assessment in high-conflict matters

Assessments are usually ordered when there are genuine concerns about safety, parenting capacity, or risk of harm in family law matters. If you are seeking a psychological assessment of the other party in Australian family law settings, several pathways are available depending on the issues and procedural stage. 

Some of the most common options are: 

• Early risk screening through FDR or mediation to flag safety concerns, mental-health risks or parenting-capacity issues.
• A formal court-appointed family report or expert report where risk, behaviour patterns or capacity require independent evaluation.
• Private psychological or psychiatric assessments commissioned by your side to build a clearer evidence base.
• Subpoenas to treating practitioners or records that clarify history, compliance, risk or inconsistency.

Each approach has trade-offs in cost, time, cooperation and adversarial pressure. Effective reporting depends on clear instructions, choosing appropriately skilled experts and ensuring the assessment aligns with what the court needs to determine a child’s best interests.

Practical cautions and tips

• Use clinicians experienced in family law, ideally forensic psychologists, because their reports are more likely to address the court’s concerns, such as risk, attachment, parenting capacity and the effect of behaviour on a child. Generic clinical notes rarely meet forensic or evidentiary standards.
• Be mindful of counterclaims, including allegations of parental alienation, fabricated abuse, mental health or substance abuse claims levelled as retaliatory accusations, to discredit your character or delay proceedings.
• Prioritise safety. If conduct involves threats, violence or concerning behaviour toward a child, seek interim protection orders without delay. This helps secure safety, preserves important evidence and signals to the court that risk is being managed appropriately.

Considerations regarding requesting a psychological assessment of your ex-partner

If you are considering this step, it is important to understand the pathways and the strategic implications. Early advice is essential because any request may trigger counterclaims or cross-allegations, so make sure you get legal advice before proceeding.

• Act early if there is a real safety risk. If your ex’s behaviour is affecting your child’s safety or stability, raise it with your lawyer as soon as possible. In more serious situations, interim orders or supervised time may be needed while assessments take place.
• Be clear about what you want assessed. Narrow, specific questions keep assessments targeted and cost-effective. Focus on questions like:
  • How does this behaviour impact parenting capacity?
  • Does it pose an unacceptable risk of harm? 
• Expect a reaction or a counterclaim. High-conflict individuals often counter by requesting assessments of you, denying concerns or inventing mental-health allegations. This can escalate the matter quickly, so weigh the pros and cons carefully and seek legal advice before taking any step.

• Plan for non-cooperation. Some parents refuse to attend assessments or withhold records. Your lawyer can apply for court-ordered attendance or highlight patterns of resistance.
• Choose the right expert Use psychologists or psychiatrists with family-law and forensic experience. The most helpful reports explain how behaviour affects the child, not just whether a diagnosis exists.
• Make sure the report will actually help your case. The court relies on analysis about risk, parenting capacity and the child’s best interests. Your lawyer will review the report for gaps and use it to shape strategy.
• Prepare yourself and your child. Assessments may involve interviews, questionnaires or home visits. Support your child calmly throughout the process.

If you do choose to take these steps, plan carefully and get early advice. This helps to ensure that any assessment genuinely strengthens your case rather than escalating conflict unnecessarily.

What if your matter ends up going to trial? Insights into managing & exposing difficult or narcissistic behaviours

If you have a family law matter that is going to court, and the other party has narcissistic traits, it’s imperative to obtain independent legal advice from a family lawyer who is well-versed in interpersonal dynamics. The strategies below relate to demonstrating behaviour patterns that may affect parenting arrangements, assessments or property matters.

If your matter proceeds to trial, it can be particularly challenging when the other party displays traits such as manipulation, control or a lack of empathy. While the court focuses on evidence, not emotion, there are practical ways to protect yourself and present your case clearly.

Trials involving these dynamics can be emotionally exhausting, particularly where significant assets or parenting arrangements are at stake. The key is to stay grounded, rely on truth and structure, and let your lawyer manage the strategic and procedural aspects so you can focus on your wellbeing and your children’s stability.

Part 1: How to build a case

Working with a trusted family lawyer will ensure your matter is presented in the best way possible.

1. Document Behaviour Thoroughly and Chronologically
Create a detailed timeline capturing patterns such as manipulation, gaslighting, inconsistent statements, controlling behaviour and refusal to comply with orders. Ensure each entry is tied to a legally relevant issue under family law.

2. Record Documented Incidents
Include dates, times, screenshots and specific statements or actions. Capture attempts to block contact, undermine a parent, intimidate, or distort facts.

3. Compile Verifiable Written Evidence
Store texts, emails, social media logs, voicemails, financial documents and any records relating to parenting, safety or financial discrepancies. Ensure everything is dated and preserved in its original format.

4. Include Evidence of Harm and Impact
Add indicators such as school or behavioural issues, medical visits, anxiety, counselling notes or emotional distress. Demonstrate how the behaviour affects the child’s safety, wellbeing, stability and relationship with each parent.

5. Gather Independent Corroboration
Obtain statements from teachers, childcare providers, relatives, neighbours and health professionals who have observed relevant behaviour or its effects. These help counter accusations of exaggeration.

6. Obtain Expert Assessments
Include psychological assessments, risk evaluations, family consultant reports, child-psychology opinions and forensic financial assessments. Expert insights help the court understand patterns and dynamics that sit behind the behaviour.

7. Document Compliance or Non-Compliance with Orders
Show whether a parent followed or breached previous court orders, supervised time requirements or parenting arrangements. Record missed changeovers, late arrivals, refusals and inconsistent cooperation.

8. Map a Timeline of Interaction After Separation
Show how behaviours escalated or changed across time. A clear progression helps the court identify patterns that may not be obvious from isolated incidents.

9. Include All Relevant Legal Documents
Have all existing parenting orders, family violence orders, court minutes, protection orders, mediation records or police reports on hand. These establish context and prior risk findings.

10. Present the Child’s Voice Where Appropriate
If relevant and consistent with legal standards, include age-appropriate accounts of the child’s expressed wishes, fears or experiences as reflected in professional reports.

11. Use Available Legal Tools

While none of the options below are a long-term solve in most high-conflict cases, consider using and including any evidence from the following available tools:

• Family Dispute Resolution or mediation
• Parenting apps documenting communication
• Counselling attendance or intervention orders
• Interim orders
• Supervised contact records
• Psychological risk assessments
• Family violence orders

These materials help show patterns of behaviour and responses over time.

12. Prepare Evidence for Trial in an Organised, Factual Format
Ensure every document is labelled, chronological and linked to an issue in the case. Present facts rather than emotional commentary, so the documents and expert material carry the weight.

13. Work Closely With an Experienced Lawyer
High-conflict cases require strategic structuring and preparation. A lawyer familiar with manipulation or personality-driven disputes can help ensure the 

Part 2: What to avoid when going to court with a narcissistic ex-partner

Even though you may want to express your emotional experience to demonstrate ongoing harm and abuse, legal systems are grounded in facts. 

1. Avoid Labelling & Unsupported Diagnoses

Courts do not accept unproven psychological claims. Avoid calling the other party a narcissist unless supported by expert evidence of a personality disorder. Focus on actions and impacts, not labels. Courts place strong weight on a parent’s mental health or capacity only to the extent that it affects the child’s best interests and safety. Many people successfully parent with mental health conditions and personality disorders – they aren’t automatically disqualifying. The question is risk, capacity to parent, stability, insight and impact of behaviours.

2. Avoid Emotional Reactions

High-conflict individuals may provoke emotional responses. Outbursts or reactive behaviour can damage credibility and shift the court’s focus away from the underlying issues. As much as possible, try to remain calm, even when emotions are running high.

3. Avoid Overstating or Over-Claiming

Exaggeration, broad accusations or sweeping statements risk undermining otherwise valid evidence. Stick to what you can prove. Making unsupported allegations or repeating an unproven or unrecognised diagnosis risks doing more harm to your credibility and may provoke costly counterclaims. Focus on verifiable facts and expert-backed conclusions.

4. Avoid Disorganised or Irrelevant Material

Large volumes of unstructured material can obscure your strongest points. Keep evidence precise, relevant and well-ordered.

5. Avoid Personal Attacks

Name-calling, moral judgments or character insults weaken your position. Courts rely on conduct-based evidence that relates to the child’s welfare.

6. Avoid Emotion in Favour of Facts

Rely on facts, not feelings, even if you are managing a lot emotionally. Focus on objective details rather than emotional arguments. Judges make decisions based on evidence and conduct, not perceptions of personality.

7. Keep a Practical Focus

 In legal matters, it is best to describe observable behaviours and their consequences, or impacts, such as:

‘Ongoing lack of insight into how certain behaviours affected the other parent, resulting in the child’s reduced willingness to spend time with them’, 

or,

‘Repeatedly concealing or misleading regarding assets and valuations, prolonging property settlement and previously threatening ongoing delays if the relationship ended.’

Part 3: What to expect

People who display controlling behaviours, low empathy responses or ongoing manipulation are unlikely to navigate the legal system fairly and can create added complexity for everyone involved. These patterns often lead to distorted narratives, limited cooperation and attempts to influence outcomes.

1. Expect Distortions, Contradictions or Lies

High-conflict or manipulative parties may distort facts, fabricate details or provide misleading witness statements. Remain steady and let the inconsistencies appear through evidence, and be prepared for false allegations or damaging statements to be used in an attempt to undermine your case and your character.

2. Expect Inconsistencies

Contradictions in affidavits, oral evidence or cross-examination may emerge. These often become useful when your evidence is organised and verifiable.

3. Keep Clear Records Of Difficult Behaviours In Mediation, Previous Negotiations or Court Matters

Responses, transparency and conduct during mediation, dispute resolution or hearings can influence how credibility is assessed. Keeping clear notes of evasive, volatile or defensive behaviour helps create a consistent record that can be relied on later. Judges pay close attention to patterns of cooperation, insight and reliability, so documented examples of difficult conduct can support a clearer understanding of what has been occurring.

4. Expect Emotional Difficulty

Trials involving high-conflict dynamics and significant parenting issues can be draining. The emotional cost is real and often prolonged, particularly where the other party engages in control, manipulation or blame-shifting.

5. Expect Attempts to Manipulate the Narrative

Some individuals may attempt to present themselves favourably through curated witness statements or strategically created accounts. Neutral evidence often reveals gaps.

6. Expect Your Evidence to Matter More Than Your Words or Feelings

Ultimately, in the courts, structured, factual, independent material carries far more weight than descriptions of personality traits, or how someone else’s behaviour has left you feeling – even when it’s been abusive or highly damaging. Courts look for reliable proof and practical consequences for the parties involved.

If you are dealing with high-conflict behaviour or unsure how to manage these dynamics, Stewart Family Law can guide you through the next steps with strategic and practical advice.

Coping strategies for high-conflict or narcissistic co-parenting

Going through a separation where narcissistic or high-conflict behaviours are present can feel overwhelming. Support, structure and preparation make a significant difference, especially when children are involved. In the same way that you will need to prepare and build a legal case, it’s worth putting time into taking care of your mental and emotional health throughout the process.

Key strategies and supports can include:

• Build a strong support network, including legal, emotional and therapeutic professionals
• Seek emotional support from trusted friends, family or a counsellor
• Work with psychologists who specialise in narcissistic abuse, coercive control or personality-disorder dynamics
• Engage therapeutic support for your children if needed
• Stay focused on the children’s wellbeing and daily stability
• Prioritise your financial and emotional security
• Practice firm, neutral boundary-setting in co-parenting
• Prepare for expected flare-ups or ‘narcissistic rage’  in advance
• Avoid being drawn into arguments or reactive exchanges
• Journal emotional responses to behaviours separately from a diary of events 
• Get support from a family or domestic violence organisation if behaviours are emotionally abusive, involve coercive control or are a safety risk. 

Having the right guidance and support around you helps reduce the emotional load and ensures you approach decisions with clarity and confidence.

Do you need support to manage a family law matter with a high-conflict or narcissistic ex-partner?

If you are managing a separation shaped by manipulation, intimidation or emotionally abusive behaviour, you do not have to do it on your own. These situations can leave you exhausted and unsure about what is safe or how to move forward. 

At Stewart Family Law, our team supports clients in similar circumstances every day. We help you gather reliable evidence, put protective steps in place and keep the focus on you and children’s safety and wellbeing, and your financial future. If you need experienced guidance and a calm strategic plan, we are here to help you regain stability and move forward. Get in touch today to find out how we can help.

Frequently asked questions

Will a judge see through a narcissistic personality?

Australian family courts assess behaviour through the lens of parental capacity, safety, credibility and the child’s best interests. Judges are used to dealing with high-conflict personalities and trained to focus on evidence, not personality. 

While a narcissistic party may appear charming, persuasive or confident, the court looks past presentation and focuses on consistency, evidence and reliability. Manipulative behaviour, shifting stories and control dynamics often reveal themselves over time, especially when contrasted with careful documentation and professional reports.

Even so, these cases are demanding. Narcissistic tactics can escalate conflict, increase costs and place children under pressure. Strong legal advocacy, good preparation and a steady evidence-based approach are essential to ensure the court sees the full picture.

What are the issues that may arise in court with a narcissist?

A narcissistic party may focus on appearance rather than insight, and may engage in tactics such as exaggeration, blame-shifting, false allegations or selective disclosure. This behaviour complicates proceedings and requires careful evidence management. 

The most effective approach is to maintain detailed records, avoid reacting emotionally and rely on legal support to present your case clearly. Over time, the court assesses patterns of conduct, credibility under cross-examination and consistency with documents and expert findings.

What are five questions that expose a narcissist in court?

There are no set questions that “expose” a narcissist, because courts do not diagnose personalities. However, certain lines of questioning can highlight patterns relevant to family-law decisions:

 • Questions requiring child-focused reasoning or empathy
• Requests for accountability or explanation of past behaviour
• Questions about cooperation with parenting orders
• Comparison of statements made at different times
• Probing gaps or contradictions in their own evidence

These questions can be used to test credibility, not diagnose a personality disorder.

How do you prove someone is lying in family court in Australia?

Proving dishonesty in court relies on presenting objective evidence. This may include text messages, emails, financial records, or witness testimony that contradicts the other party’s claims. Cross-examination can also highlight inconsistencies. Judges assess credibility by comparing evidence with behaviour and reliability in the courtroom. Fabrications generally unravel under scrutiny.

How do narcissists react when confronted?

When confronted, narcissists may respond with defensiveness, denial, anger, or even charm to deflect responsibility. Some engage in narcissistic rage, while others attempt to manipulate the situation by shifting blame or attacking the credibility of the accuser. Their primary aim is to protect their reputation and sense of control.

Exposing a narcissist in family court is difficult, but possible – but there is no magic formula. Courts don’t accept the label ‘narcissist’ by itself, but certain behaviours tied to that can be documented and used under existing legal principles in Australian family law. 

Still unsure how to move forward?

If you need practical next steps or a clearer sense of direction to manage high-conflict legal proceedings, you can book a free 15-minute chat with the team at Stewart Family Law to talk through your situation and options.

Help & resources

• Call 000 if you or your children are in immediate danger

• 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) offers free, confidential support for anyone experiencing domestic or family violence

• MensLine Australia (1300 78 99 78) provides free counselling for men dealing with relationship, family and violence-related issues

• Family Relationship Advice Line – (1800 050 321) offers information, guidance and referrals for parenting and family law concerns, if you are unable to access a lawyer

• You can apply for a Domestic Violence Order (DVO) in Queensland to seek legal protection where needed, through your local Magistrates Court